Sometimes life throws us a curve ball, it’s a cliche I know but it’s true. So often we will be caught up in our lives and the tiny details of making plans that we forget, not everything goes according to plan. In fact, more often then not, things don’t go according to plan!
So what do we do when we lose our job, get evicted, lose our car, plans are cancelled last minute and you’re left in a disadvantage or anything that we feel we didn’t deserve or that things should have happened different? Well, this is when fight or flight kicks in. However, we’re not Neanderthals anymore so our ‘fight or flight’ instincts are a little different.
We know that it’s morally wrong (and well, illegal) to physically harm another living being just because we need to release some pent up emotions or assert our dominance over someone else and we can’t just run and hide, hoping that our problems won’t keep looking for us.
Instead, we look for ways to take the blame away from ourselves and shift it onto someone or something else (this is the flight instinct in modern society) OR we get so emotional that we create reasons for why this is happening and try to occupy our time on revenge plans and sometimes fixating on the situation to feel like we’re dealing with it (this is the fight instinct in modern society).
These are natural and primal ways of dealing with change and confrontation but they are not always appropriate. There are many other things we can do to better a situation, even if only for selfish reasons.
Some things that I try to do and remind myself during a difficult situation are:
• FEEEEEEL IIIIIIT! Throughout life, we’ve developed the habit of suppression *shudders*. When we experience emotional termoil, we tend to push our feelings aside almost as if telling ourselves “I’ll deal with it later” so as to just get on what our day, we still have to work and take care of the kids of course! Except that by the time later comes, we’ve forgotten what exactly it was that we experienced, what we were really feeling. This is why it’s so important to allow ourselves to truly feel what we feel at the time of emotional impact! We mustn’t push it aside! I don’t mean mean, punch your boss in that face because you FEEL you should or crying hysterically in the grocery store because they’re out of what you went there for and it’s upset you. No, that’s not what I mean… Whatever emotion comes, welcome it because it’s trying to tell you something! There’s a reason that some people get angry more often than sad and vice versa. When you notice an emotion taking control of your thoughts, identify it. Identify why it’s coming to the surface, what has made you feel this way, why do you think you feel this way? Asking yourself these kind of questions will allow you to better understand the situation and your own mentality. I will delve more into this subject in later posts! I could talk about it for hours!!!
• Step back mentally. Try to see the situation from an outsiders perspective and treat it how you would tell a friend to treat it. So often we get offended and emotional about things unnecessarily because it can be so hard to not take things personally. If you take the emotion out of a situation and really think about what’s actually happening, it’s often not as bad as what we first thought.
• What is your desired outcome? I’m going to type that again. What is your desired outcome? So often what we think we want on the material plane isn’t in our best interest. We want things, we lust for things, situations, titles, people, etc. but want we want and what we desire are often different. Do some soul searching, it’s not as hard as it sounds, and really ask yourself what you want to happen. What would you have done differently? What do you regret saying/doing?
• Ask yourself: how do I get from where I am to where I want to go? This is something I do regularly, I first saw a typography post a few years back and it… changed me… Sit down and draw up a table with two columns. In the first colum write down everything you do on a daily basis and in the second column write everything you WAN’T to do on a daily basis (work related or personal) and then adjust accordingly! Work out an action that you can do to help you make the first thing on that list a reality, then move on to the second thing on the list. It’s better to take on one task at a time so you don’t overwhelm yourself! So often we try to multitask and ‘simplify’ our lives but in realty it would be easier and faster if we just did one thing at a time haha. There’s something about writing a goal down that feels differently to when you think or talk about it.
There are a few other things you can do to help a time of change and confrontation but I thought this post might be getting a bit too long! At this point I’m not even sure if anyone will read this but even if these four techniques help one person, I’ll be happy!
Let me know if you already do any of these things or if you have any other strategies you use. Thanks so much for reading!
Love and light,